Apr 28, 2016

If You Died This Minute...

So remember how I mostly dislike Fight Club but said there were a few things that made me think?  Still thinking.  In the movie, there's a scene where Brad Pitt and Edward Norton go to a gas station, threaten the attendant, and tell him if he doesn't start pursuing his dream they'll find him and kill him.  The book is a little different, but there's a similar scene where characters are faced with death and asked, "What do you wish you had done?"

I talked to Ryan about this and what our things would be.  And I think, in both our cases, the things we wish we had done are things we are actively working on.  Mine would have been working for myself - and that's happening, and traveling more.  Experiencing more.  There are plenty of places I would have liked to have seen and things I'd like to have tried, but I'm pretty pleased with the amount I've accomplished so far and with the plans my sisters and I have for future excursions.  Travel isn't a one time thing and you're done, it's ongoing, as is my business (which will hopefully continue to grow).

I think this is the first time that I've ever indulged in an existential "rethink my life" and realized I'm good.  I don't need to figure out how to fix this mess, because for once I'm in a good place.

Guys, this is kind of amazing.

In addition to finally, FINALLY, having my life headed in a direction I'm happy with, I'm the happiest with myself I've ever been.  Several years of focused self improvement have changed me to the point that I'm not sure my teenage self would recognize me.  And, despite what she might think, that's a good thing.

Like the first two, this isn't a stopping point.  But I know there isn't one.  Being a good person might be easy for some people, but for me it's a lifelong project and I'm happy with the progress I've made so far and my focus for the future.

When I look back at the times I've been the unhappiest, it's usually been when I'm in stasis.  When I feel stuck, or trapped.  Change makes me happy.  Growth makes me happy.  Having something to work towards and making progress.  Breaks are needed every so often, but when I step back and take a look at my life from a distance, checking the metaphorical line graph of progress, everything's climbing slowly and steadily, and that's all I want and need.

I'll stop gushing now and sum up with: not everyone enjoys a good existential crisis, but they're what's gotten me here.  So if you find yourself in that place, think of it as a stepping stone towards a different path that will (hopefully) be a more fulfilling one.

Do you ever stop and rethink your life?  If you died this minute, what would you regret not doing?


P.S. Going to Disney next week so I'll be back after that with cutesy family photos and stories about how I dragged Ryan to Magic Kingdom to experience THE MAGIC for the first time in his life.

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4 comments:

  1. I want to go to Disney with you!! Pack me pack me! haha ;)

    That is awesome that you are in a place of happiness where you wouldn't change something major. I still have a few dreams that I am working on that I need to come to life before I can say the same.

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  2. Yayy for Disney, we're hoping to get there around Christmas this year. K is just the right age I think.

    I've decided I want to work for myself too, I've got something in the works I just need to reach out to all my business connections.

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  3. I love that you work at making you happy. I have to work hard to be a good person too. I lash out and tend to hold grudges when I feel trapped and unhappy. Working on myself and reading all these self help books really are helping me see that life can be happy when it starts with me and my attitude to make it happy. Have fun at Disney!

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  4. I love that you work at making you happy. I have to work hard to be a good person too. I lash out and tend to hold grudges when I feel trapped and unhappy. Working on myself and reading all these self help books really are helping me see that life can be happy when it starts with me and my attitude to make it happy. Have fun at Disney!

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