Aug 10, 2017

We're Building an Empire

So we got a nanny.  I was seriously contemplating writing a blog post titled, "Ode to Our Nanny" because it, and she, are awesome.

I was seriously not cut out to be a stay-at-home mom.  It made me feel frustrated, and exhausted, and a little bit trapped.  There were days when I contemplated giving up my business and letting all my clients go, and then I realized it wasn't just the lack of sleep and constant multi-tasking that was getting to me.

It was the sitting with a baby for hours upon hours.  It was babbling and baby talking and not thinking about anything more contemplative than, "Should I put some diaper cream on him?"  I don't usually need other people, but being alone with a baby made me long for adult company.  For someone who would say my name instead of shrieking like a banshee to get my attention.

I love my child, and I love spending time with him and babbling, and blowing raspberries, and everything else that comes with the territory.  But I don't love doing it 24/7 without any breaks.

I used to think I wouldn't want to be a housewife because I'd be bored.  I now know I don't want to be a housewife because it is draining.  Is it absolutely exhausting and I apologize to any and all stay-at-home parents.  I totally underestimated you.

So we got a nanny.  (This is an intentional repeat.  It's like, artsy, or something.)  And my sisters said something about how Ryan and I are upper middle class now because we have a nanny AND a house cleaner.

That surprised me.  Are we fancy, rich people now?  Socioeconomics aside, I do think this marks a pivotal change in our lives.

We're not single adults free of responsibilities now.  We're not running around with our solo lives devoid of any need for other humans.  Ryan's pretty deeply enmeshed in the success of his company, with goals and ambitions and dreams for himself within their structure.  I'm running a business that, despite some of my poor choices, seems to be picking up steam.

We do have a nanny.  And a house cleaner (technically Ryan has a house cleaner since I would probably let the house get really dirty rather than pay someone to clean it).  I have a VA.  And a graphic designer who works under me one day a week.

I think I finally understand what they mean when they say it takes a village to raise a child.  I couldn't do it alone.  Even with all of Ryan and my mom's support, I couldn't balance myself and my business and my child.  So I began delegating, until I felt like I could breathe again.

And now I'm breathing and looking around and I'm ready to keep going.  I want to not only make enough money to pay all these people, I want to profit.  I want to give them more hours.  I want to hire more people and build this freelance gig into a real company.

I want to look around and say, "This is my village.  This is my empire."

Do you have an empire or a village or are you handling things on your own?  What directions has your life taken that you hadn't anticipated?

Jenn signature graphic | Optimization, Actually


  1. I don't currently have a village or an empire, but man would that be nice! Kudos to you for making it all work. I think I would be in the same boat as you when it comes to working at home with a baby. I'd need a nanny too. I don't think I could do it. I am also at the point without a baby where I need more daily interaction other than my cats. That alone makes me realize working from home may not be for me fulltime, but if I ever do get my mini business off the ground I would need to make sure I get out of the house from time to time. Okay now I am just babbling..

  2. Did you read Year of Yes? This reminded me of the part about Whitney Houston's wig. If you haven't read it, ignore me until you read it, which I insist you do at some point.

    Good for you for recognizing when you needed to grow your village and going ahead and doing it. I used to be a nanny and I know how much I helped those moms just recalibrate to human mode some days.

  3. I am glad that you found some balance and are figuring out what works for you! I would love to have my own empire one day!

  4. it's very important to be able to breathe! you got to do what works for you. i obviously have no experience though i hope to stay home when we have a kid. when my visa ended and i was waiting for my permanent residency to be approved, i wasn't able to work for a few months. i went absolutely crazy. i was so down all the time and felt like i had nothing to bring to the table - no conversation, no money, nothing. i felt useless and it was such a horrible time. i am worried about that happening when we have kids, but i am hoping because i know i'm prone to feeling that way, i'll do more to stay.. relevant? and i feel like i'll actually be doing something, whereas i definitely wasn't before. we'll see lol.

  5. So glad you found something that is working! I couldn't be a SAHM mother either...I did not even cry my first day back to work...yep, I'm practically heartless =o

  6. I love that you realized you needed assistance in certain aspects and you met that need with what was available. I think that's SO important to one's happiness. I highly doubt I could do the SAMH thing. I don't think I have the mindset for it and I think that's ok. We don't have kids but when we do, I will be asking for/hiring help. Plus, when growing a business, you have to divide up your energy and attention!


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